“Home is where the heart is.” We’ve all heard this before. But what if your heart is torn between multiple places? I live in a beautiful land. The Adirondacks. Forever wild. But it is not where I am from. I have to say, however, that where I’m actually from never felt like home. I have no sadness for what I left behind there. There is a place between where I grew up and here that tugs at my heartstrings though. It has an ocean and stone walls and antique homes and old cemeteries. It also has dear friends. I’m often torn when I go down for visits. I miss everyone terribly, but I’m not sure if I even fit in there anymore. Funny how the heart sometimes does not know what the answers are. I also happen to feel quite at home in Vermont. It’s no surprise as I have family roots there. Let’s not even bring up how I feel when I visit the Quebec province! Talk about feeling at home! There’s also many family ties up there. It’s hard being torn between so many beautiful places!
The hard part about being torn is not knowing what direction to take. The Adirondacks are gorgeous, but I feel like a reluctant resident among the mountains. Randomness brought me here. Circumstance keeps me here. We have a love/hate relationship, the ADK’s and I. In the spring, summer, and early fall we are in love. When temps dip to below 0, we despise each other. It’s enough to crack the hardiest of people. I long to go back from whence I came, but I know it has its own challenges. For now, I’m here. Dreaming, but I’m here.
Mountains and Fields
So instead of feeling lost, I need to focus on gratitude. Right now. Deep breath. This is what life is right now. Answers will come. Patience is required. I have to enjoy the now. Whether I stay here or leave, I must feel not anxiousness for it. Be present. It’s the best gift I can give myself.